I knew I’d end up mentioning more about this subject. Not only does it fascinate me, but it’s a nice break from writing about my troubles. Continuing with where I left off before:
“Shy Guy” by Diana King/triumphant shy guy scenes in the movies. Such a feel good message, isn’t it? Sing along about how “he’s the kinda guy who’ll always be mine”. Or “Revenge of the Nerds” and watching the sweet girl with the sly smirk leading the virgin guy into the bedroom (and him returning soon a new man w/ a celebratory pipe in his mouth).
This subject really hits home with me, since my naivety about it in college became a big problem back then (read back to my first few entries of this blog for more about that). Because these things above do not actually happen often. Guys, you will usually have to make that initial ice-breaking move and first kiss with someone (or put yourself in position for it to easily happen mutually.) If you’ve never crossed the physical line with someone yet, she’s not going to tackle you on the couch first like some funny sitcom scene. If you wait for that, you’ll usually end up on the wall watching everyone else connect. Being passive just does not work (for so many reasons). And the impressive thing about media portrayal of these moments is that they get virtually everything dead wrong: you often see women being aggressive outside of the bedroom (but passive behind those doors), when the opposite is usually what really unfolds. Speaking of…
“Women want a ton of foreplay”. We’ve all seen this endlessly on TV/in the movies: a couple goes into the bedroom and slips into bed. Things are beginning. Music in the background. While she lays there patiently (and virtually flaccid), he slowly works his way around every cubic millimeter of her body (like a land surveyor taking measurements). Eventually, once a full moon has passed and the weather has changed outside, they have sex. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not advocating the other extreme of stereotypical impatient-let’s-be-humping-in-two-seconds guy either, of course. But like many areas of life, there is a happy medium that hits the spot (pun intended). Not only that, but that land surveyor seduction that’s supposed to get her going also leads to men overlooking the best true foreplay, which is the kiss. She will know the difference between the whole “I’m only doing this as the standard first step to get in your pants” and the real thing……if you kiss her right, that is a lot more likely to open up her deepest desires than anything else. And when this happens with someone who is ready to have sex with you and you have good physical chemistry with, it often leads to that behind-the-doors aggression and passion from her that I just mentioned. At that point, the rest of the foreplay does not last until anywhere close to the next moon!
“Women want a sensitive guy.” This one is practically a standard cliche of supposed fact. And nothing could be further from the truth. I can already see some people thinking “But I do like sensitivity! It’s a great quality”. Yes, it is…..but great qualities don’t always equate to dating interest. Sometimes this effect can be pretty severe, too. I have known many women of all different types and dispositions, but the one thing most had in common (regardless of whether things were platonic or we were dating) was this: the only time they looked at me with any disdain or discomfort was when I was expressing concern about them or the world around me. Now I’m not saying that you can’t show any emotions or heart, but there can be a fine line about it. Example: bonding with her puppy and having a soft spot for it = good. Having pictures of yourself smooching three snuggly kittens at once = a no-no. Now I realize that many people still won’t agree with me about this, but it’s what I’ve seen and experienced throughout my life. And if you don’t believe me, test it out guys. If you’re interested in someone, try either being the guy who picks her daisies while reading her poetry and talking about how you’re saving impoverished children in Uganda, or be the guy who is somewhat aloof, always keeping a little something mysterious, who (while still treating her well) challenges her some and who doesn’t wait on her hand and foot. See which leads to becoming another platonic friend, and which leads to a possible connection for more.
Ok, there’s one main one that I haven’t gotten to yet. But it’s a whopper, and I think it needs its own entry for next time.
In the meantime, I ask a small favor. It seems like I’ve acquired a few regular readers already, but I’m still new at this (so I’m not sure how comments work). I haven’t seen any left yet, and I’m curious if they’re even activated or if anything like that needs done.
So if you’re one of those other bloggers who is usually seeing my entries, I’d appreciate a quick test comment here (just to know it’s possible). Thanks!
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