Most kids grow up dreaming about their future. It may be the usual possible ones (a big house, a spouse and kids) or the one in a million goals (playing in the World Series, winning the lottery). But it’s usually something along those lines.
Not me.
During my childhood, I never really thought much about what I wanted as an adult. Sure I hoped to somehow be successful and enjoy life, but I just wasn’t the type who spent any time zeroing in on exactly what I wanted. This led to me applying to the wrong “target” university at the wrong time, and then to changing majors after my first semester at the large university that I did go to.
At that point I had some more concrete direction for the first time, but there was still plenty to learn. About 10 years after that, I left to go after my first life “dream”. And, well, look back to my “California Dreamin” entry to see the unfortunate result of that.
So…..where has that left things since on the dream front for about the last dozen years? In a very strange place. And one that’s hard to explain. While most people (even as adults) still yearn for nice things, power, a loving spouse, children, and so on…….those are the last thing on my mind.
What is there for someone in my situation to fondly wish for?
A total lack of responsibility. Combined with a complete escape from living much life. Sitting alone in a modest hotel room day after day. No work and few (if any) people to stay in touch with.
Only leaving during the day when it’s necessary to get food or run an urgent errand. Only leaving during the night to take a walk when it’s warm outside and there are no sounds but the cars passing by and the ticking of stoplights changing. A life that mostly shuts down your senses.
Because living in a mirage of escape is much easier than living in the real world.
Mister A's domain 