“But I won’t cry for yesterday. There’s an ordinary world somehow I have to find…..”
As I drove to my new apartment this afternoon (in my new city after moving cross country again), those lyrics came on the radio. I found that fitting for a couple of reasons.
First, I’m now back in my old college town. And in my early years there, that was one of Duran Duran’s new hits (as they reinvented themselves with the dour sound that was the new rage in the music industry then). Good for them, I thought. Most ’80s bands never pulled that off in the ’90s. Anyway, I digress.
But the main reason it struck a chord is how all the lyrics describe my past and present. Even though they’re talking about losing a lost love interest instead, just substitute in my lost success and (currently) losing the city I call home for the time being.
“What has happened to it all?
Crazy, some’d say
Where is the life that I recognize?
Gone away.”
When I first decided that this move was necessary last year, I thought I might be able to stay in a decent enough frame of mind to improve life here (despite not being “home” anymore). But as the realization of it all hits deeper now, unfortunately I have my doubts about that.
I’m just not in the right frame of mind to move forward here. At least not yet. Given how much of my life that still needs fixed or improved, that’s a major problem. I find myself expecting to stay mired in my usual nostalgia and longing for the past. Wishing I was back where I want to be.
Wasting away more and more life. And slipping into an even deeper depressive funk.
At this point, I’m just hoping that this last lyric from the song will apply:
“And as I try to make my way
To the ordinary world
I will learn to survive”
Mister A's domain 