I’m now moved out of my place, except for the rest of the cleaning and loading up some things to bring with me. That will take the rest of the weekend, so I’m at a hotel until Monday morning. But since I’m still in town and have stuff to do, it doesn’t have the same enjoyable feeling of escape that I recently described for my hotel ventures.
This move doesn’t feel the same as the last two, because I knew that they would be somewhat temporary (due to my dad getting so sick). But now, there’s more pressure about finding my first hopefully permanent solution in a long time. Though thanks to the current COVID world, even that is very iffy at the moment.
Unfortunately, things are not going that well. Financially or otherwise. Attempting to get planted in my target city for good is still possible, but definitely questionable. And now it might be delayed because of my mom going out of town to some different doctors soon (along with the constant threat of citywide or statewide shutdowns at my destination and elsewhere).
Basically there are new unavoidable barriers everywhere. As if I hadn’t already created enough of those on my own.
So I’m feeling more antsy than I normally would about all of this. Mom should find out any day now when her doctor’s appointment might be, so at least I should know soon if I can keep my expected departure date of August 11.
And looking at my empty place as I finish up this weekend won’t help. Even though I knew I wouldn’t stay in this city for the long term, jumping all over the place every so often (for the last 15 years) gives an uneasy feeling about how you’re handling life. Especially since with each of the last few moves, I’ve slipped further and further into more troublesome and empty future possibilities.
That’s why I hope that this next one sets me up for the rest of my life. Or if the COVID world delays that for a couple months (or even a couple years), that I get there soon enough to salvage the chance at creating some remaining good years.
Maybe six months ago, I wrote a post about my future was soon going to turn into either a rebirth or a destruction of life (and that there was about a 50/50 chance of each). But with these new developments since then, I’d say even that sounds too optimistic.
I guess we’ll find out.
Mister A's domain 