Tag: baseball cards

Heading to the National

Nope, not any of this summer’s national political conventions (thankfully). This week, I’ll be making the modest 200 mile drive to the national sportscard show.

It’ll be just the second time I’ve gone. The other was when I was just 15 and had started my small business of buying/selling cards in high school. We centered the family’s summer vacation around it that year. And…how things have changed since. No, not going to go there again now.

I bought the pass late last year, which was right after I left my job and still had some lingering hope about repairing my future. But since that hope is now gone, I really considered not going. Especially since I have no desire (nor the finances) to be buying much now anyway.

The show pass is non-refundable though, and I’ll meet up with my closest friend in the business. And since I will probably have to make a much more concerted effort to liquidate some of my collection soon, it’ll be good to see for myself how the industry looks during its biggest yearly event.

So, despite my usual desire to avoid spending any energy anymore (especially when it comes to being around other humans), I’ve decided to keep the plans. It’ll be interesting to see how I’ll react to being at such a madhouse though. That’s the last thing a depressed recluse wants to deal with, but hopefully it’ll be worth the effort.

Plus it’ll be interesting to see how how my mood is there. This will be the first time I’ve had any social interaction since I pretty much gave up on life earlier this summer. So as bleak as this sounds, I don’t know how much I’ll be able to enjoy much of anything now. We’ll just have to see how I react to it, and if I can forget my troubles long enough to have a good time with my friend.

Especially since I don’t want to put a dent in HIS vacation by being a wet blanket. That’s naturally another part of being so depressed that keeps you stuck in a cycle of isolation: you don’t want to bring others down with you, so you just avoid meeting up with people in general.

Crossing my fingers. We’ll see what happens.

When the unexpected mirror appears

Recently I won an auction lot for just $20 that had a bunch of old baseball memorabilia. Just wanted to enjoy the nostalgia of the knick knacks from the collection. Each item wasn’t worth much at all individually, but there was so much that it added up to a really good deal. Plus, it would be an interesting one-time detour from my usual nothing but cards, cards, cards.

Sent the payment and got the package. Noticed it cost him 10 bucks to even ship it to me. He basically got next to nothing. Decided to do something I normally wouldn’t (and certainly won’t be able to when profit margins become vital again once I get back in this business soon, but anyway)…..

Messaged the guy and said “hey, this just isn’t right. I’m unofficially doubling my bid to $40. Sent the rest to you already”. He replies and says “thanks, I’m just a 72 year old guy who has no one to leave my collection to. So I hope it ends up in the hands of people who appreciate it”.

Wow. Talk about something hitting home. That news basically turned my entire screen into a mirror.

If I manage to make it to the year 2047, I will still remember the day 27 years prior when a lonely older man from Michigan not only put some faith in a stranger, but unknowingly showed him a troubling glimpse of his future too. But despite how that look down the road is pretty sad, at least a little something better can come from it now.

Because I will always protect this modest part of his collection like it came from my own childhood. He seems like someone who deserves that.

Hopefully when I’m in the same shoes at that age, I will too.

The magic 8 ball is stuck

Today I made an unusual amount of progress when it comes to planning my career future. You’d think that would be a good thing:

I got caught up with a very knowledgeable close friend (a fellow advantage gambling pro), and found out some info that may cut down on the prep time that I need to do in my new city. Talked to another friend in that industry, and she said that she’d like for me to work with her at her company in that city. Looked at the latest environment for other 9 to 5 jobs in my “traditional” work field of recent years.

Realized that it might be worth a shot to turn my second wind of baseball card involvement into a side business on ebay. Talked with that knowledgeable friend above about that too, since he used to be a full-time seller years ago.

Unfortunately, these were the results:

Advantage gambling part to full time: The profitable opportunities are still not very plentiful for someone in my situation. Outlook not so good

Working that 9 to 5 with my friend: Her heart in the right place, but it’s just tough to see her following through with that (and it working out). Outlook not so good.

Other 9 to 5 jobs: Naturally places don’t seem to be focused on hiring at the moment for white collar work. Tough to tell how long it will take the world to get back to normal. Outlook not so good.

Selling cards as a side business on ebay: With all the competition out there (and the ebay fees and other transaction costs to buy and sell), it’s just tough to get the profit margins needed for a one-person operation that can’t sell in bulk. Even with my experience in that business. Outlook not so good.

Yup. The magic 8 ball appears to be stuck.

My past choices have gotten me painted into this corner, and now it’s gonna be tough to avoid paying the price for them. And needless to say, having to wait on the world to begin functioning again just makes things more difficult.

It might be kinda boring to just work in a cubicle all your life. To know exactly what the next day will be. Bring home that same paycheck, pay those same bills, and then do it all over and over and over again. But at least it’s normal.

My life is not normal.

It ends just as it began

As we come to the end of one of the most very difficult years ever, the frustrations have built to a fever pitch. Ever felt like you just need to let out a raging yell in the middle of nowhere? I guess some people try to do that by writing here. One thing I’ve noticed from blogging this year is that many people are doing it for the same reason I am; the only real positive, uplifting post I’ve written this year got the least number of views. That’s so sad in itself. There are a few people who seem to have read the most this year, and I hope they are faring well (hi Fractured Faith!)

Even though this outlet hasn’t helped me change anything yet, sometimes it still feels good to write. I’m not someone who vents publicly on facebook or anywhere else, so this anonymous release is all I’ve had.

I’m going to end this year like I started it, and spent most of it: sitting at my place alone. I could go out with a longtime friend for NYE, but she lives almost four hours away. I’d barely have the desire to drive four minutes to be social at the moment, much less four hours.

Near the end of picking up all the baseball cards I’ve wanted to get. Even getting back into those, which is one of the few things that’s put a smile on my face anymore, seems to have its perils (especially since I’m only doing it as a collector this time rather than a dealer). It, like most collectible hobbies, just isolates you that much more. The last thing I need.

And like all of us, already thinking of the new beginnings you hope for this time of year (especially this time, since many life fixes need urgent attention this year). When I bought a few more cards this evening, I reminded myself just how different I treat that task when compared to how destructive I can often be with my finances. I’ll scope for the best deals, be (somewhat) patient, and value every few dollars I spend. Which is the exact opposite of what happens when I get destructive with my trading and betting…….when you pass up some cards over $15 but throw caution to the wind with $15,000 market trades, that naturally makes you shake your head.

This is just one example of how my good habits mix with my bad, how the bad habits often trump the good, and how I need to find a way to streamline my emotions and psyche to approach all of my money risks in the same manner as the card buying.

Can that be done? And even if some of my bad habits can be dealt with that way, will I care enough and have the willpower to stick through it?

I guess we will see. Either next year, in 10 years, or whenever my troublesome life ride starts to change even more for the better or worse