Tag: new year

New…..most things

I wasn’t expecting to write any of the typical New Year’s blab. Expected to just sit here, feel all the typical things I normally would, and then try to sleep it off.

Then something unexpected happened. At around 30 minutes til midnight, it hit me that this wasn’t just a bad year….it was a bad decade. Was around 2010 when I last experienced any continued and meaningful success, and when my life trajectory started consistently downward for the first time.

You would’ve thought that that realization would’ve just made the last half hour of said decade that much worse. But oddly enough, it didn’t. For no reason whatsoever, I started to sense a little more hope than I usually do. So instead of turning off the world even more and letting the tears well up as many other people celebrated, I sat here feeling like I’d gotten another wake-up call about life.

Feels strange. I don’t know how I will react to it going forward (if at all). But it’s a welcome relief from the blanket of hopelessness that I’m too often covered with. Regardless of how long it lasts.

It ends just as it began

As we come to the end of one of the most very difficult years ever, the frustrations have built to a fever pitch. Ever felt like you just need to let out a raging yell in the middle of nowhere? I guess some people try to do that by writing here. One thing I’ve noticed from blogging this year is that many people are doing it for the same reason I am; the only real positive, uplifting post I’ve written this year got the least number of views. That’s so sad in itself. There are a few people who seem to have read the most this year, and I hope they are faring well (hi Fractured Faith!)

Even though this outlet hasn’t helped me change anything yet, sometimes it still feels good to write. I’m not someone who vents publicly on facebook or anywhere else, so this anonymous release is all I’ve had.

I’m going to end this year like I started it, and spent most of it: sitting at my place alone. I could go out with a longtime friend for NYE, but she lives almost four hours away. I’d barely have the desire to drive four minutes to be social at the moment, much less four hours.

Near the end of picking up all the baseball cards I’ve wanted to get. Even getting back into those, which is one of the few things that’s put a smile on my face anymore, seems to have its perils (especially since I’m only doing it as a collector this time rather than a dealer). It, like most collectible hobbies, just isolates you that much more. The last thing I need.

And like all of us, already thinking of the new beginnings you hope for this time of year (especially this time, since many life fixes need urgent attention this year). When I bought a few more cards this evening, I reminded myself just how different I treat that task when compared to how destructive I can often be with my finances. I’ll scope for the best deals, be (somewhat) patient, and value every few dollars I spend. Which is the exact opposite of what happens when I get destructive with my trading and betting…….when you pass up some cards over $15 but throw caution to the wind with $15,000 market trades, that naturally makes you shake your head.

This is just one example of how my good habits mix with my bad, how the bad habits often trump the good, and how I need to find a way to streamline my emotions and psyche to approach all of my money risks in the same manner as the card buying.

Can that be done? And even if some of my bad habits can be dealt with that way, will I care enough and have the willpower to stick through it?

I guess we will see. Either next year, in 10 years, or whenever my troublesome life ride starts to change even more for the better or worse