Tag: darkness

The soundtrack to your life

A lot of us undoubtedly have a song that defines us. Mine is “You Belong to the City” by Glenn Frey. Not just because it’s an 80s song or because I’ve lived in cities my entire adult life; there’s a lot more to it than that.

  • “The moon comes up and the music calls. You’re getting tired of staring at the same four walls”.

I’ve talked about this in recent blogs. Being such a night person who sits around feeling entrapped in the same place, whether it be inside my mind or the actual walls of whatever apartment I was living in at the time. Often with nothing but the music playing in the background.

  • “Moving through the crowd in the midnight heat. The traffic roars. The sirens scream. You look at the faces. It’s just like a dream.”

I’ve done this so many times. Out in the city alone at night. The sounds around you. It does feel just like an escapist dream.

  • “Nobody knows where you’re going. Nobody cares where you’ve been.”

This doesn’t quite describe me now (although sometimes it already feels like it), because my mother and a very small handful of other people would check up on me. But as I get older, that group gets smaller and smaller. And I’m certainly not living (or expect to live) the kind of lifestyle that will expand a family/close friends circle during the second half of my life. As the years go on, that verse will ring more and more true, and it could easily encapsulate my situation literally at some point.

  • “When you said goodbye you were on the run. Trying to get away from the things you’ve done. Now you’re back again and you’re feeling strange. So much has happened, but nothing has changed. You still don’t know where you’re going. You’re still just a face in the crowd.”

Quite eery how this is now my present. As we speak, I’m on my way back from the city that I left many years ago. The place that I’ve realized should be home for the rest of my life. I expect to move back there early next year. And that line couldn’t express it any better…..much has happened since, but so little has changed.

  • “Cause you belong to the city. You belong to the night. Living in a river of darkness, beneath the neon light”.

Simply says it all. Past, present, and future.

Escape

Escape. The tool often unhealthily used as a comfort zone for those of us who find little joy from living.

It comes in many forms. Maybe a book from one of your trusted authors. Or turning off the lights at night while listening to ambient music.

Possibly a hotel room alone. That’s one of my favorites. When you’re away from home, you seem more figuratively distanced from your troubles too (and feel less obliged to do anything about them.)

Or, of course, finding a chemical high of some sort. That’s never been my style, but only because my mind and body just don’t respond much to drugs. Which is a saving grace, given how addictive my personality can be.

Even staying up really late into the night (when there isn’t much reason to). Because when most everyone else is asleep, you feel an escape from dealing with others.

But regardless of which method of escape you choose, the underlying reason is usually the same: slowing down time. Because if you can stop time, you don’t have to deal with another energy-sapping day of endless disappointment and frustration with how you’re handling life.