Well, part one was many months ago. Feel free to search for it (because that would require such extra effort at the moment).
When I mentioned last night that I’d mention the alone part of this long trip in my next entry, I had no idea that this evening would drive things home even more. Thanks to a craving for spaghetti and meatballs, which is naturally the root of all evil.
Decided to just take the car out and search for whatever caught my eye close by, and found an Italian restaurant not far from where I used to live in this city (though I’d never been there).
Table for one.
In any other town but this one, eating alone in this restaurant would’ve really stood out. But since anything goes here and there are so many tourists, it wasn’t as noticeable. Still though, the experience drove home one of the problems with a loner lifestyle that much more.
I should clarify that I don’t actually wish for the company of other people very often, and I’ve even mentioned before how I usually prefer to spend most of my time alone. But here’s the thing: just because it’s my comfort zone doesn’t mean that you don’t feel disillusioned about it sometimes. And in my case, that’s because you know that the loner lifestyle is not often as fulfilling as those who genuinely live the typical fuller life with family, friends, and acquaintances.
And that’s the part that can hurt: knowing that not only would you be happier with more connections with others, but that you’re trapped in a mindset of not wanting that anyway.
Despite all of that, it’s not something that I’ll probably ever change much (if at all). It’s who I’ve been since I was a little kid; even though I lived a suburban childhood that was always around other kids, my home base has always been my own little world first. As I’ve mentioned in prior entries, it’s never come naturally for me to bond much with others.
That still happens though; I have normal communication and friendships/family life in the world. But the difference is that I just don’t feel the same kind of deep connection with them as most people do.
And it shows.
So for everyone who lives the more typical life with people and these life experiences: take a moment now and then to appreciate it.
Because some of us will never know that world
Mister A's domain 