Tag: middle age

When it feels right

Well. My new employment situation was…..something that needs its own entry to be fully appreciated. That can come next.

But for now, suffice it to say the following: given everything involved, I decided this morning that the job was not the right fit.

So yep, a letter of resignation was just e-mailed. After just a week. I know that sounds like an abrupt and possibly foolish decision, but oh believe me, I have my reasons (well beyond how the job would’ve been too).

Keep in mind that while I’ve always been the furthest thing from a company man, my other traditional jobs have all lasted at least a couple years. So it’s not like I usually quit something so soon or “can’t handle a real job” or anything like that. Those reasons for leaving already were not light ones.

Anyway….I knew that it would be very difficult to have a 9 to 5 in this town, but it only took that week to drive home the reality that much more. I don’t have the energy to mix that with the other things I need/want to do here (to work for myself and otherwise).

I will be staying here and going through with a new “career” plan that I hope will last as long as possible. There is also a plan B and the possibility of a plan C to grind out a living in town if need be. And even if none of that works out, I will just find a 9 to 5 somewhere else (and come back out here for good when I retire).

With no regrets.

For now though, you have no idea how right this decision felt. Especially since I was already slipping into more depression, misery, and destructive decisions.

But after sending that resignation letter, the future feels more hopeful. I got the new apartment I wanted and am looking forward to moving in soon. And especially to have the freedom to fix my life in the best ways again.

It’s made me smile more in the last couple hours than I have in a long time.

Other new middle-aged fun

Flashback to sometime in 2013. A good buddy and a more youthful looking 38 year old me were out somewhere one night. We were talking about how we had maybe 5 to 7 years left to look and feel, well, “young”.

My friends, that time has come.

In the years since that conversation, my skin (while still youthful) has gotten worse. I now have the torso of a guy in his 50s. And it’s already become more difficult to stay in decent condition.

During that interim, I hadn’t even changed my dating/sex life habits much yet. It was still possible to attract a wide age range of the women I’d like to; in a period of a few months, I might hook up with both a 22 year old and a 42 year old. Now, as you can imagine, that has changed. You know it’s inevitable at some point, but it’s still not something you look forward to.

Like this afternoon, for example. I ride down the elevator with the neighbor across the hall. She is in her mid 20s, and both sweet and cute as could be. And I can tell that she doesn’t look at me the same as someone similar might have 5-10 years ago.

And then the best part lately: at my grandmother’s visitation recently, I pull up in the car with my mother and roll down the window. A guy from the funeral home walks up and asks “are you the son?”

Ouch.

Now, mind you, given the youthful facial genes that I’m fortunate to have, he should never have even considered that I could be the son of a 91 year old. Especially since my gray hair is still very modest for 45; it’s going to be awhile before I even reach salt-n-pepper status. But still….for that to even come out of his mouth. Good god.

Sooo to everyone in their 20s and 30s reading this: enjoy it and take advantage. It seems like you’ll be a fairly young adult for a crazy long time, but believe me, it’ll end faster than you think.