Yep I’ve talked some about this before, but it needs its own entry.
Awhile back, I was talking with a good friend about solving some of my issues. He reminded me that even though I’ve always been a finance guy, I’m not the type who lives for material things. And we mentioned that the most important thing to me is having my own freedom (especially with work).
Or so we thought.
As I’ve entered into this latest stage of life, it’s become even more obvious that there’s something else that I’m still treating as a clearly higher priority. And it’s not good:
Trying to completely get back the success I used to have, and as quickly as possible.
My actions lately are the proof in the pudding. Here I am, finally back in the location I want to be and with the chance to have that freedom again (at least for now). But unfortunately, the main driving force for those actions has still been a fairly quick cure for the pain of lost success. And that simply won’t work, because it’s impossible to achieve that again for a long time (if ever) in my current situation without taking huge risks that will likely lead to more self-destruction and the loss of my career freedom again.
And given how I’m now more hell-bent than ever about never having a 9 to 5 job again, there’s a lot more at stake in getting things right this time.
So why is this still happening? I simply cannot let go of the past, especially when it comes to that topic. The need to make the most of my future (and even the freedoms that can come along with that) pales in comparison to getting back what I’ve lost.
And I’m not sure how to get past it. Pun.
There’s a lot of dime store advice out there about this, but much of it is the typical obvious stuff that you can’t make yourself do when you stay stuck in the emotional and psychological webs that people like me do. “Focus on the future”. Well, no shit. A lot easier said than done for some of us.
It’s making me want to look into meditation type exercises that much more, because I just haven’t been strong enough for my conscious mind to have the willpower necessary for the best choices (not just for things like focusing on the future, but in general). So while I’m the furthest thing from an expert on the subject, I’m wondering if it might train your body and mind to improve from a more subconscious state instead.
Is that even possible?
I hope so, because I’m running out of time (and options) to start turning things around
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