First….yep, I finally added an image to my thumbnail. And yes, it took forever. But hey, at least it was less than a year 😛
Now, onto business.
Yesterday I mentioned how the only chance to salvage the second half of my life was to learn how to be ok with happiness. You can also include making substantial progress with the other aspects of my depression; that goes without saying.
This would be a very difficult and long road for anyone. But in my spot, there’s something else that may need resolved before I can even get very far. And the problem is, this may be an issue that doesn’t have a very good solution:
Becoming successful again with my career and finances. Or, at least recovering much of what I lost to start with.
I know that the general reaction to that will be “but much of life, success, and happiness isn’t about money!” Yes, that is usually true. But you have to understand how my entire adulthood has been centered around supporting myself that way. It’s not about having lots of actual $; it’s about how this a core part of my identity, and always will be. Not to mention the pride that goes along with succeeding at being your own boss.
So as long as I have failed in that aspect of life, I will continue to feel like I’ve failed overall. And could you really find happiness with that always lingering in the back of your mind?
If building success back the “right” way was going to take, say, just a few years, then I could manage that. But there lies the problem: my current lack of opportunities make that highly unlikely. This I’ve discussed before, and it presents a major barrier (not just for my finances, but even moreso for my state of mind). Because while I’m ok with having some patience, I’m not alright with grinding away until I’m 65 to come full circle.
This means that I may have to still take some bigger chances. I emphasize MAY, because I’ll have to think some more about whether or not it’s worth it (and the consequences if that wouldn’t work out).
These wouldn’t be the same hopeless larger risks (done for just a high) that I referred to in my last entry. It would be about focused, realistic chances to land just the bigger score(s) necessary. And then if that happens, returning to the “right” ways overall and entering my rebuilding phase with a clear conscience.
It would have to be with my financial market trading, because advantage gambling with an edge (in the current environment) has to be much more of a slow build for my situation. I’m sure you’re not surprised that the casinos don’t make it possible to intelligently crush them for large amounts overnight.
The good news is that if I go that route, I have the ability to find trades with incredible short-term potential. The bad news is that I missed out on two amazing ones in just the last year (one of which I blogged about), and they aren’t easy at all to come up with. So I may have already missed the boat. I can’t count on replicating those results anytime soon.
But I still may have to give it a shot.
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