Naturally this Christmas was a little rough. But beyond my dad being gone, so many other things in this house I grew up in are a reminder of a better time.
- The holder for fireplace logs. It hasn’t been right next to the fireplace for a long time, because no one would ever think to build a fire anymore
- The space between the two recliners. Had a Christmas tree every year until last year. Now our tree is just this one foot tall version on the mantel that I got to replace the usual one
- The lack of presents, stockings, most other Christmas decorations. Anywhere. Compared to the typical scene when I was growing up
- People on Christmas Eve. Used to be a gathering here every year. That ended about 10 years ago. Now we go to a different family friend each year for that, but I’m always the only person under 130 years old there, and it’s not the same at all. The eves here were a celebration; the eves now are about holding on and trying to smile about anything possible
- The prior magic of coming downstairs as a kid every Christmas morning. Obviously that ends for everyone before too long, but then there’s often a new generation to replace it. Not a part of my life, though.
And the thing is, it’s not experiencing those memories that I miss that much (especially anything related to family and friends; anyone who’s read much of my blog has seen how distanced I am from that sort of emotional attachment).
What I do miss is how life had so much more hope, future, and happiness. Not just for me, but everyone else around too. And that’s just not there anymore. It’s like I’ve reached the life stage of a hapless old man who can only look back. At just age 45.
Mister A's domain 