Yesterday afternoon, I had to go downtown for awhile. And as you often do in the city, I would occasionally see a homeless person pass by. I always hate to see people (or animals, or any sentient beings) in a situation where they might be regularly struggling for food or shelter. But as someone who has been fortunate enough to never want for any of those basics, it wasn’t easy to relate or think of yourself in their shoes for very long.
Until lately.
As I enter this new stage of life, I’m reminding myself more and more how dangerous and costly my destructive habits could be to my future. Sure I’ve mentioned them at length in this blog and the major issues I could continue to have, but I’ve never really touched on just how severe my fall could end up being at some point.
In my past, current, and (unless I can change enough) future state of mind, I am capable of losing everything. Both psychologically and materially. It hasn’t happened yet because I can still bank on my past success and my family when I need to. But give this another 10,20, 30 years…..and sometime down the line, all of that could run out. And this is coming from someone who has spent most of his life supporting himself with his knowledge of finance and risking money. But if you don’t have the discipline to follow through with what you know, those skills become almost useless in the end.
Between all of that and the distance I keep from family and friends, it gives me visions of being desolate and alone on the streets in my 50s or 60s. Scary, scary stuff. Can’t imagine having to go through that, and it’s tough to think that I’d have the willpower to fight it and survive.
But that possibility is out there looming, and it couldn’t be more real. And if that thought doesn’t get me to turn life around in time, then I don’t know what will.
Mister A's domain 