Next to me at work is a woman in her early 60s and about to retire permanently.
She is, by most accounts, the typical decent person. Friendly, kind of a tomboy, involved in a serious relationship, has a well-rounded overall life, and with job duties similar to mine.
Most people wouldn’t think much of that (because it sounds so ordinary). I, on the other hand, see her as someone who stands out more than most.
Why? Because she seems genuinely happy and content with herself and her life. I can hear it in her voice during the occasional business related phone calls that we have there.
And I admit that it makes me envious.
Here is someone who’s never done anything that would be considered extraordinary by more materialistic standards. Yet her life is the emotionally healthy one that most wish they could have.
I imagine that a main part of that contentedness is that she’s accomplished about all that she ever hoped to. And that’s where I think her life deviates the most from mine: while my potential likely has a higher ceiling than hers…..I, on the other hand, have failed so badly to hold on to my own accomplishments (or to ever get close to that stage again after all these years.)
Up until now, when it comes to “is it better to have loved and lost than never loved at all” dilemma, I was always on the loved and lost side. But at this point, I’m not so sure.
Because at the moment, I know I’d be much better off if I didn’t want to live up to my past standards again. Especially since I’m the depressive type.
When you’re not emotionally healthy enough to handle losing your success, then it may be best just to never succeed much at all. And I so wish that wasn’t the case.
But I’m a living example of it.
Mister A's domain 