Tag: home

The next stage

After a year living in my “target” city, I’ve now moved back across the country again (to help out with family matters). Found an apartment and will get moved in this week. It’s 30 minutes from the family’s house, which is close enough to always be easily available and make this major relocation worth it….while still giving the space that I really need.

Everyone keeps telling me not to think back or torture myself about leaving my old place again. But obviously that’s much easier said than done. At age 47, every year spent away from “home” is going to feel like one that I can’t afford to lose. And it could be many years before I can go back for good.

I’ll try to help my state of mind by making one or two long trips back per year. It won’t be nearly the same, but at least that will make the transition easier.

Still though….I’m concerned about how I’m going to react to this in the long run. It hasn’t hit me completely yet, but it will once I get completely settled in to the new apartment. A depressed person with little structure in life (living in an area that has too many toxic components) isn’t exactly in the best spot to improve and enjoy his situation.

So I’m not sure if I will be able to make the most of this. Or even avoid a much worse downward spiral.

Guess I’ll find out soon enough.

Stepping into the darkness

I sit here on the couch. Looking straight ahead into almost total darkness as midnight looms.

Haven’t even turned my TV on today. Or yesterday. Don’t care enough to. Maybe not until the pro football playoffs resume this weekend.

In a couple months, I will (once again) be leaving the city that I call home. This time likely for a good while. Family obligations make that necessary. But there’s no deluding myself: I wouldn’t have survived here yet for the long term regardless.

Add the last year here to the string of failures that I’ve experienced over the last 14.

Where exactly will I go? That’s still to be decided. Though the region will be where I grew up.

What will I do there? Also a mystery. Don’t know what I will do with myself going forward. As usual for recent years, the options will be very limited. I’ll have to figure something out.

But for now, I sit here alone. Taking a break from my new book on the kindle. It’s one of the those save-the-world action dramas that gives a needed escape for people with lives like mine.

Soaking in the final weeks of the preferred solitude in my home base.

Before stepping out into the unknown darkness again.