The first month of this year has been spent continuing the same type of failure and losses that have plagued me for so many years now. And every time it becomes worse, it doesn’t get any easier.
This is one of the worst possible times for me to stay stuck in my destructive mindset. In addition to all of the upcoming change that I’ve mentioned in recent posts, I will also be receiving some inheritance from my grandmother soon. She was 91 and passed away about two weeks ago.
While this was yet another life lost around me in a relatively short period of time (so much sadness in my family lately), the help to my finances changes what I might be able to accomplish if I’d keep my head on straight. It’s not a huge life-changing amount of money otherwise, but it still provides me with enough new capital to begin going after an opportunity that I’ve been monitoring for awhile now. One that would begin later this year.
It gives me yet another chance to build back some success long-term. One that I don’t deserve and did not earn, but one that still badly needs taken advantage of.
The ideal situation would be to spend the next 6 to 8 months getting ready for everything that’s to come in my next life phase (moving to a new city, finding a new job, other family issues, and plenty more). There’s so much to do that you could just lose yourself in a haze of preparation, change, and self-improvement for that entire time. Just suppress that sabotage-laced nagging need to force new success ASAP with my trading and advantage gambling, and wait wait wait until I’m (for once) much more ready psychologically to do so.
Last year I bought a few books on willpower and other subjects related to my demons. They have just sat here unopened. No clue if anything in them will actually help, but at least it’d be starting some new habits to move forward toward doing SOMETHING with self-therapy attempts.
Now is the time.